cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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