When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
