One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
