My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
