I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
