Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
