her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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