my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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