Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
