either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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