I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was CRYING into my vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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