girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
