saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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