just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
