my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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