It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize