I wish my penis had an off switch
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
