i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
