you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
