Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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