i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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