can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
