I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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