i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
