we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
how does that bad decision feel?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
