I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize