I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
