and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
