Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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