You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
