I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
