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she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
