I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
