So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize