I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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