There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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