I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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