Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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