Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
