i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
