I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
