Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize