I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
