btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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