dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
