The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
