walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
3pm strippers are depressing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
