I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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