the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
