3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
