I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
