Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
