I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
