Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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