dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
