her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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