Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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