it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So here I am, sexting at work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
