The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
