If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
