Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
