dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
