my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
