I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
