You can't special order awesome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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