i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
