just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
