cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize