can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
