Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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