and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
