everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
