You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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