peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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