best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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