White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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