If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
