Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize